Self Care, Crying, And Goals...

I found a few gray hairs on my head and my eyebrows and decided to go all brown. I know I am getting old and I am supposed to age. I know the process is going to happen whether I like it or not. I do not feel I am ready to have gray hairs on my head, at the age of 36. I am totally going to have loads of fun with my hair as I age, because I am only going to be aging once. P.s. I love my dark hair!

Since September 2018, Levi's medical condition and delays have increased tremendously. We have been so busy with making appointments, attending all the appointments related to doctors, school and our advocate. We are doing all this on top of our normal work load. Stress has been to the MAX and we are getting about 3-5 hours of sleep each night. It is totally and completely exhausting. We do not feel like we can ever catch up. The best words I can describe my feelings is "I feel like I am drowning". As you can see Levi was taking pictures of me sleeping while watching his show. Levi doesn't actually fall asleep when we'd like him to and wakes up really early. We know that's not enough sleep for him or us, however there is nothing we can do to change it.

With Levi's delays, he doesn't understand the time of day and how much sleep he needs. He doesn't nap anymore and won't go back to bed like any of my other kids. When he is up, he is up. Due to his seizures and delays, that means one of us has to be up with him regardless if we want to be up or not. Someone needs to help him as he needs help in eating, getting dressed, seizure safety. Levi doesn't sleep in and he sticks to a schedule everyday. Every Mom knows that you aren't really asleep when you have a child next to you, it's just a quick shut eye.

 (Pretty sure it was around 6am on a Saturday Morning)

Talking about Self care, being a care giver for your own child and not having help from the state means you NEVER get a break. Some days are easier then others, but you hardly have a chance to yourself. You can't nap whenever you want or shower whenever you want, or alone. When you run errands, 95% of the time, you have a buddy to tag along with. This isn't usually easy and takes motivation to getting Levi out the door.

When we have been devoting 100% of our time to Levi and his medical needs, our children and our normal routine and task load, we do not spend time on ourselves. There are lots of days I seem to look like I have myself pulled together. There are lots of days when I do not and I look like a hot mess. On this particular day, I remember it well. I was struggling with being a hands on Mom to everyone! I was struggling to getting our house in order, staying on top of my daily responsibilities and To- Do List.  I was letting my OCD over ride my life. I had to learn to be nice to myself and let things go! This is SO hard for me to do.  I was really frustrated with what life had given me.  I broke free (which just means I left the house by myself) and hit up Soda Rush (a cookie & soda shop by my house) and blasted my favorite music ever and just ran errands and cried. I cried a lot!

But then I pulled myself together again and decided to try again, because the other option is giving up and that is not a choice. I decided to make some goals for myself and be realistic about them. I was in constant turmoil as I was trying to fix things and things weren't going according to MY plan. You see I am stubborn and I am fixer and solver. I am a big believer in not "pushing things under the rug". If there is a problem, let's solve it.

We were getting ready for our BIG IEP meeting at the school for Levi. At these meetings, I have the big dogs in my meetings and there are a lot of people. We have our advocate with us, the CEO of Academics, the SpEd department, Principal, Assistant Principal, Therapists, Nurse, District Nurse, School Psychologist, and you get the idea. During this meeting, we go over goals, services, and an overview of minutes and what to expect for Levi everyday.

A couple days before this meeting, I had a dream,  I remember talking with an old man who was kind and gentle. He was referring back to a scripture and said " It's just like in 1 Nephi 18:21"...then I woke up. I immediately read the scripture. It reads:  "And it came to pass after they had loosed me, behold, I took the compass, and it did work whither I desired it. And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord; and after I had prayed the winds did cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great calm."

It is about being calm and having peace, trusting in the Lord. Knowing that it will work out. I felt like it couldn't have come in a better time. I definitely have not had my full trust in the Lord, being frustrated that things weren't going the way I had expected. Trying to fix everything so it will all work out.  I was calm and slept well that night. I was calm going into the meeting with Aaron and our advocate. We were prepared and we were ready.

My goals for myself is to workout at least 5 days a week. I do this for myself. I am a much happier and relaxed person when I work out. I have gain what I like to call "Stress Weight" and it is not fun! It is so hard to loose and dedicate time for me BUT it is SO so worth it! I also am praying and relying more on the lord. I need more peace in my life and house. I have constant examples who help me redirect and help me to focus on what's more important. I have also decided to not be so strict and be more fun. I get stressed really easy and I miss being adventurous and having lots of energy and fun. I am certainly not perfect, but I have accepted my life and my trials. I am trying to be the best me so I can be the best for my family.

https://i.postimg.cc/nhbmFRSd/20181111-200027.jpg

How To Manage Stress

Being an advocate and caregiver for my Levi is so much work, at a lot of times it is pure exhaustion! I deeply love being a Mother to each of my children. I am SO very grateful for the opportunity for me to be a Stay at Home Mom. I am busy with my own dreams and goals, as well as running the household. I am slammed when the kids arrive home from school. It is so important to me and Aaron that I have enough time to manage my stress. Raising as many kids as I have AND having a child with Special Needs, adds A LOT of stress to my life. I have created a list that works wonders for me.

This will make you smile.  :)

(Levi is eating his favorite snack- Raw Broccoli)

How To Manage Stress

• Exercise 

Exercise takes energy that is hard to get when you are drained. I add a little pre-workout caffeine to my body daily routine and I am able to get to the gym. I actually enjoy walking on the treadmill and lifting weights. I feel like a warrior once I complete my workout. I am always less stressed and if I had a headache, it is always gone. I am in a better mood and depression subsides when I workout. I strive to workout daily.  

• Deep Breaths

You can do deep breaths anywhere and it works! I have to breathe deep when someone cuts me off the road. I have to take deep breaths when I need to "bite my lip". It helps me process my emotions and thoughts more clearer. You cannot take back when you didn't mean to say, even if you are truly sorry.  Breathing Deeply helps improve digestion, De-stress and feel energized. These factors go on high alert when you are stressed. 

• Hot Baths/Showers

I LOVE taking hot baths and showers, although I prefer baths over showers. I always feel so relaxed and calm after I soak in the bath for at least 20 minutes. In my opinion, you have to set the mood just right so you will enjoy it too. I use Epsom Salt with Lavendar oil and turn the lights off. I fill the bath water as high as I can and have the temperature as hot as I can stand it and be comfortable. I sometimes listen to soothing music or a podcast I enjoy. I sometimes will read through a magazine or a book. You can light a good smelling candle. You can also add essential oils and bubbles.

• Sleep

I cannot stress this enough! Nap whenever you can. If you are like me, you will see me staying up late trying to catch up on my daily assignments I couldn't get through and tidying up the house before bed. I am a night owl, but I do take naps whenever I can.  It's almost like having a newborn...sleep when kids sleep. But for reals!

• Pray

I believe in God. I believe in the power of Prayer. I believe that Heavenly Father listens to me whether I am happy or sad. I believe he answers my prayers. I pray often. I usually am always praying for strength, safety and help. I do also pray in gratitude to my Heavenly Father for appreciation for staying at home with my children, being a mother and for the many blessings I have.

• Journal

I choose to journal my thoughts on this blog. It is very therapeutic to me. I also sometimes journal my inner most feelings that I don't share with anyone in a hardbound book I keep in my nightstand. Mostly, it is just a diary of my day as well as questions I am searching for myself and writing out to Heavenly Father. 

• Read

I am a big book reader, when I get a good book I am into. I love Non-fiction books, Mysteries, Trauma & Survival. I am learning to love the Book of Mormon. I listen to my personal scripture study online through my phone while I am multi-tasking at home. I comprehend the scriptures better. Regardless of you choice of book, it is nice to sit and read, feel calm and relaxed.

How to Treat a Special Needs Child

  (At the Dinosaur Exhibit while visiting the Phoenix Zoo)

Treating Special Needs Children is not something you just know, for most. It is something you Learn. Some people are nervous of how to treat and talk to a child with Special Needs. Some people are nervous of saying the wrong thing. If you've been wondering how to talk and treat a Special Needs Child or a child that has Special Needs, look at their siblings and parents, they are the best example. We know we aren't the perfect examples, because we are all human and their siblings are kids as well, they are growing and learning too.

(Learning about Fossils while visiting the Phoenix Zoo)

Things to know that never is okay:

• Talking rude to child
• Shaming child
• Cutting child off in mid-sentence
• Ignoring them, not talking to them
• Teasing, laughing at them 
• Making the child feel like their feelings do not matter.

Special Needs Children are extra sensitive and pick up on when someone doesn't like them, when someone doesn't care about them, and when someone is making fun of them. 

It is very frustrating as a parent and siblings when children & Adults ignore the child with Special Needs. As a parent, I am quick to address my own children to treat Levi nice and to remind them to be an example to their friends.  Now my children are not perfect at this, but we strive to help others understand and help Levi feel accepted. 

As I type this, it is also hard for me to say that it is difficult to teach other children how to be nice to Levi who has Special Needs. I sometimes have to correct how to treat and speak to Levi with other kids who do not understand. I do this, because I am Levi's advocate and he cannot do this for himself. I do this, because he is a spirit from Heaven and one of Heavenly Father's children. Lastly, I do this because I love him and want him to be treated with Love.

Patience is Key when working with children, but especially when working with Special Needs children or children who have Special Needs. My husband Aaron is always a huge example to me with his patience! He has been patient with me when we were dating, through my bride-zilla moments as we were planning our wedding, and with each child we brought into the home. When stress rises, he is extra patient and reminds me to be more patient. I know that everyone doesn't mean to offend, we know that. We aren't perfect with our patience either. It is important to work together and know that with time and patience we can help children with Special Needs feel comfort, acceptance and Love. 

"Thou didst bear all these things with patience because the Lord was with thee."

 Alma 38:4-5.

"Continue in patience until ye are perfected. " 

D&C 67:13

"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind."

Matthew 22:37