Triggers

                                                    (pictures from our doctor appointment)

Yearly Appointments, we all know what these are. You go to your doctor, see how much you've grown and how tall you are and find out how much you weight, etc. For a special needs child who relies on the state for support and help. For Levi, these appointments are very important and we come prepared as much as possible.  These appointments always stress me out, they use to  be worse because the doctor would always push immunizations on me, argue with me, and still I would have to jump through hoops to get what we needed. 

This last Wednesday I was going through our binder to make sure everything was  updated and accurate. I ran across Levi's old IEP from his kindergarten year, when everything went down hill for Levi. My heart stopped, I just froze and felt immediately sick. I tossed the IEP to the other side of the room, knowing I was going to have to tackle it later, but I just couldn't think about it at that very moment. 

Let's recap how kindergarten was for Levi. We had transferred over to a Charter School and for once I had all my kids going to the same school. It was nice, until things with Levi went rocky. I met with the Special Education teacher and had her go over Levi's IEP and see if she had any tips. She told me that Levi would academically struggle, but the school had a special needs program and it would be implemented where needed. I didn't want to go back to the public school we just left because they had graduated Levi out of the special needs class, against what Aaron and I felt or wanted for Levi. The public school wasn't listening to us and was just pushing him out of what we knew would be the best option for Levi. We felt unsupported and felt like the school just wanted to do what they wanted, and they did. I didn't know much about how the IEP worked at that time, this was the starting point of when I learned to do my research, hold my ground and learn how I was. 

After I met with the Special Education teacher, Aaron and I prayed about it and felt strongly that putting our kids in the charter school was the best decision. I want to make note that this was still the best decision for my typical kids, and we haven't changed our mind since, yep they are still at the charter school. Things started to escalate pretty quickly. They knew that Levi had seizures, it was well documented in his IEP, but they weren't severe like they are now. The school and teacher didn't know that there were different types of seizures, they didn't know what to look out for. I had to point it out to them every time, teach them. That was something I didn't realize others who don't live life with seizures, don't pick up on. There was one day when Levi full on had a 20 minute melt down before school REFUSING to go to school. I knew something was terribly wrong because he had never done that before. I went to the school, unexpected, and wanted to see for myself what was going on. I realized then and there the paraprofessional was triggering his seizures by putting stress on him. Then when he was having a seizure, she did nothing to support him, and during his postictal state, he was being punished for his reactions that he couldn't control. The school wasn't following the IEP like I kept requesting, I ended up having to be in the class every day until we wrote the IEP and then we left the school. 

I learned in these meetings with the school staff, school district and our Advocate, we spent hundreds of dollars and I learned how an IEP works, that my opinion matters and I am part of the team. I also learned that I don't have to sign anything I don't agree with. I learned that I am strong and resilient and a hard worker. I learned how to read IEP's and where there were concerns and when things needed to be re-worded. Looking back on his kindergarten year at the Charter School was a nightmare that I NEVER want to ever repeat again, but I certainly learned a lot of who I was, who I was meant to be me, why Levi was sent to me, and that I could overcome these triggers.  

I ended up working on the IEP that I tossed over the to the other side of the room. I braced myself, said a little prayer to my Heavenly Father asking for help that I wouldn't break down. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father's help, I was able to to work on the IEP from the charter school where we had year of a nightmare and hope and pray we never have to repeat again. Levi's yearly appt on Thursday morning went great and smooth. We got the scripts written for therapies we need weekly, medical equipment we use daily, and referrals to get testing completed with other specialists. No stressful events, so pushing and arguing with me. Thankful for good doctors who trust us parents with intuition and the amount of hard work we put into our everyday lives for our typical children and our special needs children.  

While I keep navigating this road, we will continue to have triggers and will need to keep moving forward and help others as well as heal our hearts along the way. 

Sea Life Aquarium & Legoland Discovery Center

Brooklyn, Tanner, Mckay, Levi and I went to the Sealife Aquarium and Legoloand Discovery Center with Hope kids.  I was so glad I had Brooklyn's help, the kids were able to run off on their own while I tagged along with Levi. They were able to participate in a lot more activities together and off on their own as I was with Levi. I am thankful for Brooklyn staying with Mckay and Tanner and enjoying themselves. This will be a memory they will never forget. Thank you Hope Kids for your generousity. 

New Years Eve with Phoenix Suns

(We are sitting in our stands watching the Phoenix Suns game for New Years Eve with the younger kids)

When Levi was struggling sitting in the stands and keeping to himself, we ended up going to the gorilla's playground and playing. It was so much easier and nicer to enjoy each others company. We enjoyed watching the kids play and run. Thank you Hope Kids for setting this up so we could attend.

Self Care, Crying, And Goals...

I found a few gray hairs on my head and my eyebrows and decided to go all brown. I know I am getting old and I am supposed to age. I know the process is going to happen whether I like it or not. I do not feel I am ready to have gray hairs on my head, at the age of 36. I am totally going to have loads of fun with my hair as I age, because I am only going to be aging once. P.s. I love my dark hair!

Since September 2018, Levi's medical condition and delays have increased tremendously. We have been so busy with making appointments, attending all the appointments related to doctors, school and our advocate. We are doing all this on top of our normal work load. Stress has been to the MAX and we are getting about 3-5 hours of sleep each night. It is totally and completely exhausting. We do not feel like we can ever catch up. The best words I can describe my feelings is "I feel like I am drowning". As you can see Levi was taking pictures of me sleeping while watching his show. Levi doesn't actually fall asleep when we'd like him to and wakes up really early. We know that's not enough sleep for him or us, however there is nothing we can do to change it.

With Levi's delays, he doesn't understand the time of day and how much sleep he needs. He doesn't nap anymore and won't go back to bed like any of my other kids. When he is up, he is up. Due to his seizures and delays, that means one of us has to be up with him regardless if we want to be up or not. Someone needs to help him as he needs help in eating, getting dressed, seizure safety. Levi doesn't sleep in and he sticks to a schedule everyday. Every Mom knows that you aren't really asleep when you have a child next to you, it's just a quick shut eye.

 (Pretty sure it was around 6am on a Saturday Morning)

Talking about Self care, being a care giver for your own child and not having help from the state means you NEVER get a break. Some days are easier then others, but you hardly have a chance to yourself. You can't nap whenever you want or shower whenever you want, or alone. When you run errands, 95% of the time, you have a buddy to tag along with. This isn't usually easy and takes motivation to getting Levi out the door.

When we have been devoting 100% of our time to Levi and his medical needs, our children and our normal routine and task load, we do not spend time on ourselves. There are lots of days I seem to look like I have myself pulled together. There are lots of days when I do not and I look like a hot mess. On this particular day, I remember it well. I was struggling with being a hands on Mom to everyone! I was struggling to getting our house in order, staying on top of my daily responsibilities and To- Do List.  I was letting my OCD over ride my life. I had to learn to be nice to myself and let things go! This is SO hard for me to do.  I was really frustrated with what life had given me.  I broke free (which just means I left the house by myself) and hit up Soda Rush (a cookie & soda shop by my house) and blasted my favorite music ever and just ran errands and cried. I cried a lot!

But then I pulled myself together again and decided to try again, because the other option is giving up and that is not a choice. I decided to make some goals for myself and be realistic about them. I was in constant turmoil as I was trying to fix things and things weren't going according to MY plan. You see I am stubborn and I am fixer and solver. I am a big believer in not "pushing things under the rug". If there is a problem, let's solve it.

We were getting ready for our BIG IEP meeting at the school for Levi. At these meetings, I have the big dogs in my meetings and there are a lot of people. We have our advocate with us, the CEO of Academics, the SpEd department, Principal, Assistant Principal, Therapists, Nurse, District Nurse, School Psychologist, and you get the idea. During this meeting, we go over goals, services, and an overview of minutes and what to expect for Levi everyday.

A couple days before this meeting, I had a dream,  I remember talking with an old man who was kind and gentle. He was referring back to a scripture and said " It's just like in 1 Nephi 18:21"...then I woke up. I immediately read the scripture. It reads:  "And it came to pass after they had loosed me, behold, I took the compass, and it did work whither I desired it. And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord; and after I had prayed the winds did cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great calm."

It is about being calm and having peace, trusting in the Lord. Knowing that it will work out. I felt like it couldn't have come in a better time. I definitely have not had my full trust in the Lord, being frustrated that things weren't going the way I had expected. Trying to fix everything so it will all work out.  I was calm and slept well that night. I was calm going into the meeting with Aaron and our advocate. We were prepared and we were ready.

My goals for myself is to workout at least 5 days a week. I do this for myself. I am a much happier and relaxed person when I work out. I have gain what I like to call "Stress Weight" and it is not fun! It is so hard to loose and dedicate time for me BUT it is SO so worth it! I also am praying and relying more on the lord. I need more peace in my life and house. I have constant examples who help me redirect and help me to focus on what's more important. I have also decided to not be so strict and be more fun. I get stressed really easy and I miss being adventurous and having lots of energy and fun. I am certainly not perfect, but I have accepted my life and my trials. I am trying to be the best me so I can be the best for my family.

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Coyotes Game with Hopekids

We attended the Coyotes Game through Hopekids. It was so nice to be in a suite. With Levi having special needs, not understanding his boundaries and not being able to sit still, sitting in a stadium seat is unbearable. We were fortunate enough to be in a suite, plenty of leg room and the choice to be able to move whenever we want is another plus. We came and thought we were prepped and going to have a good time. As the game started, I looked over to check on Levi and this is what he was doing.  I did not know that every time a goal is made, the lights flash and the stadium rings a bell. Flashing lights and loud sounds trigger seizures, so I had to cover his eyes every time. 

My son was overstimulated, cold, and couldn't handle the noise. He was using his brothers' jacket to muffle the noise over his hooded jacket. He was curled up and starting to shut down. When I took him to the bathroom with me, for a movement break, he was sitting in the corner of the bathroom stall in a fetal position, covering his ears and whining. I called Aaron, explained what was happening. I couldn't believe how sad this was to him. I have never been to the coyotes game, so I didn't know what to expect. I wasn't prepared. I felt awful. Aaron went to one of the security guards explaining he needed ear buds to cancel out the noise for our special needs boy. Those foam ear buds did the trick. He was back to himself, eating snacks provided in the suite and watching Jack Frost on the TV. 

Our niece Ashlynn came because Brayden was not feeling good and we needed to fill that ticket spot. We are so lucky she came. She and Brooklyn enjoyed each others company and were fun to watch as they tried to get on the Jumbo-tron.

Thanks Hopekids for giving us this opportunity to go. We appreciate it.

Donated Bikes for Hope Kid and Siblings

Andreas' Closet partnered with The Lost Dutchman Motorcyclist Club who donated hundreds of bikes and toys for the Christmas Angels Trees in Walmart and Hopekids. My kids were able to come, pick out a bike & helmet of their choice,  and walk out without having to pay anything as it was a donation.  Here is the story from 3TV.  If I knew they were going to take pictures and that I would be on Tv, I would have actually got dressed and brushed my hair.  😂

 https://www.azfamily.com/news/lost-dutchman-motorcycle-club-buys-gifts-for-hundreds-of-christmas/article_19eab98c-fc33-11e8-8f68-8b7eb15de474.html

Thank you Grandpa Richins for letting us use your truck so we could transport the bikes home.

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Movie Under the Stars

Through Hopekids we were able to attend a Movie Under the Stars and watch Incredibles 2 outdoors. It was a movie I couldn't bring Levi to, as it has several scenes with flashing lights that will trigger seizures. We were fed cotton candy, popcorn, pizza, fruit snacks, soda & water. Then given glow sticks and light up fidget spinners.

We brought our own chairs and blankets. It was actually really cold and I am so glad I dressed warm. I am glad that my teenagers came and enjoyed the fun movie and food. I am glad that we have the opportunity from Hopekids to enjoy fun events that we can bond and make memories as a family.

Merry Christmas

I cannot believe I didn't take as many pictures as I wanted of visiting family on both sides of the family. We had a great Christmas Break and a great Christmas.  On Christmas Sunday, all my boys wore sweaters and were dressed handsome, I wish I got a picture of that. Our Outfits all matched. Mckay and I wore a Navy Blue Gingham top. Brooklyn and I wore cheetah print. And the boys wore either black or grey sweaters.  

Brooklyn's Christmas Sunday outfit. We were late to church. I wanted to snap a picture for my Mom as her dress was part of her gift.

We went to my parents house for dinner and made Gingerbread houses for dessert. It was fun and even the teenagers got involved in building their houses. Some of the adults were involved helping those that needed help.  I knew that this would be just so fun for the kids to enjoy and eat as they entertained themselves. 

Mckay has a crown of leaves on his head, like Ceasar. He looked so cute.  Brooklyn struggled with her house, she flipped her plate upside down thinking that would help balance her house out.  She ended up requiring help from Uncle Jesse. 

Mckay's Gingerbread House. I cannot believe I didn't get everyone else's. Levi's house was built for a second before he started eating it.  :)

Charlie & Brayden building their two story mansion. It held well and they both spent so much time on it. I am proud they spent so much time on it. 

On Christmas Day, these are the only pictures I actually took. Our Tree and Levi watching his new Paw Patrol Movie he received in his stocking from Santa. He was so happy.

🎄I was in heaven, because I was catching up on some much needed sleep. 

Hopekids Pizza & Cake

We attended a Pizza and Cake event with Hopekids. We never really know what to expect at each event, whether it be school, church or family event with Levi. We are so glad we went. It was a great opportunity for us to bond with Levi and Mckay one on one. Since Levi requires so much attention, my other kids have been receiving less attention and they are struggling.  The pizza was delicious and we each made our own.  The kids also decorated their own cupcakes and ate them. 

Since being on their journey with Levi having Epilepsy and Special Needs, how his Epilepsy isn't going away or getting better we have been struggling. For me, I have been so isolated and not having another person to turn to that has already been down this road. Levi wanted to go outside and run around. Aaron was outside and talking with other Moms' about how Levi is getting ready for the VNS (Vagus Nerve Stimulator) surgery and how we have been so worried. This Mom he was talking to, said she had a niece who had it. She said how she saw a difference in her seizures and her life. We have NEVER had anyone to turn to for something like this. This was a glimmer of hope that I was leading in the right direction. This road has been so hard already, but I am starting to see small glimmer of hopes that I am going down the correct path. 

Aaron and I both felt grateful that we were able to meet someone who had a good experience with the VNS surgery. We had hope that Levi would do okay and this surgery would help him, possibly reduce his seizures and pain that he is constantly in.

Mckay had a smile on his face the whole time. I helped him roll out his pizza dough. I helped him with his toppings. He made friends at our table and made more friends when we were outside running around with other Hopekids. We were accepted and loved, no matter our circumstances.  It was a nice time together and we are super grateful for that bonding moment to make memories together.

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Sibling Love

On Veterans day, we went to the zoo. It was packed with so many veterans and kids and it was fun. I had my whole family there and loved it. At the end of our trip, we were walking out but saw these beautiful pelicans. Mckay and Levi's relationship has grown tremendously and still needs improvement, who doesn't need improvement? Levi now hugs and kisses Mckay when he is happy and wants to share that love and happiness with him. It is so cute to watch and know that they are building their relationship.

Mckay and Levi LOVE to sleep in Brooklyns' room. Our rule is only on weekends, this is allowed because they play and don't get as much sleep as they would sleeping in their own beds. This paticular night, Aaron and I were on a date. Brooklyn called us in a panic that Levi had a seizure in his sleep. He woke up, said he had a seizure and whined. Brooklyn prayed to Heavenly Father to ask Levi to stop having a seizure. Levi did stop and then said he wanted to go back to bed.  I am forever grateful that Brooklyn was there to help when I could not. It was a bonding moment in her life and I have seen Brooklyn change for the better. 

I wanted to share the love my children have towards their brother Levi. Levi is very hard at a lot of times, and even when we struggle and have a rough day, at the end of the day, we still love and appreciate Levi. I know I do not give my children enough credit of how much I appreciate them. I try to improve where I am struggling. Brooklyn, my daughter has told me lately how she wants to work at Hopekids Foundation and wants to have a special needs child, preferrably a Down Syndrome Child. I have never heard of any teenager plan to have or want a special needs child for their life. I KNOW that she is learning to love everyone from all backgrounds and all needs in life. I KNOW that she is paying attention and trying to be close to Heavenly Father. She is an example to me. She teaches me new things every day. 

On this particular day, I took Tanner, Mckay and Levi to a Hopekids event at Sea life Aquarium and LegoLand Discovery Center in Tempe. The boys were counting down the days and was so excited. It was also a stressful day. After a long full day at school, Levi is tired and overwhelmed. He usually has between 5-7 seizures at school, not including what he has at home. Overstimulating him causes more seizures, which makes it challenging at these fun events. With Levi's special needs, he doesn't pick up on social cues and boundaries. This is another challenge that we have to maneuver through, daily. The boys are learning to communicate and bond with Levi. It is so nice to see them work together and get along. 

I just wanted to remember the growth of my children bonding and building their relationship with Levi. Not everyday is stressful, we have many good days, but they all take a lot of work. We are forever grateful for having Hopekids in our life. It makes us bond and look forward to really cool events. 

Trip to the Childrens' Museum in Phoenix, Az.

We got accepted into The Hopekids Foundation this year. Hopekids Foundation is for children who have life threatening diagnosis. The Foundation treats our Hopekid and family so well. They invite and strongly suggest for siblings and parents to come to the events they put on, even if Hopekid cannot come. They know how isolating it is for families who have to deal with so much medical appointments, therapies, surgeries and stress. They want us to bond as a family. 

We are so blessed to be apart of this foundation!

Everyone came but Brayden. He had a soccer game to go to. We missed him.

With a large family who is all into extra curricular activities, we don't always get to go to events together all the time, but we try.

This place was really fun. It was a first for us. I was able to let my older children explore on their own. I was able to bring in food and eat in the cafeteria. Note to self: bring an actual lunch and keep in portable cooler, not just snacks. This whole museum was very kid friendly and so fun, even for us adults. 

Thank you Hopekids! We had a blast and made so many positive memories with our family.










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How To Manage Stress

Being an advocate and caregiver for my Levi is so much work, at a lot of times it is pure exhaustion! I deeply love being a Mother to each of my children. I am SO very grateful for the opportunity for me to be a Stay at Home Mom. I am busy with my own dreams and goals, as well as running the household. I am slammed when the kids arrive home from school. It is so important to me and Aaron that I have enough time to manage my stress. Raising as many kids as I have AND having a child with Special Needs, adds A LOT of stress to my life. I have created a list that works wonders for me.

This will make you smile.  :)

(Levi is eating his favorite snack- Raw Broccoli)

How To Manage Stress

• Exercise 

Exercise takes energy that is hard to get when you are drained. I add a little pre-workout caffeine to my body daily routine and I am able to get to the gym. I actually enjoy walking on the treadmill and lifting weights. I feel like a warrior once I complete my workout. I am always less stressed and if I had a headache, it is always gone. I am in a better mood and depression subsides when I workout. I strive to workout daily.  

• Deep Breaths

You can do deep breaths anywhere and it works! I have to breathe deep when someone cuts me off the road. I have to take deep breaths when I need to "bite my lip". It helps me process my emotions and thoughts more clearer. You cannot take back when you didn't mean to say, even if you are truly sorry.  Breathing Deeply helps improve digestion, De-stress and feel energized. These factors go on high alert when you are stressed. 

• Hot Baths/Showers

I LOVE taking hot baths and showers, although I prefer baths over showers. I always feel so relaxed and calm after I soak in the bath for at least 20 minutes. In my opinion, you have to set the mood just right so you will enjoy it too. I use Epsom Salt with Lavendar oil and turn the lights off. I fill the bath water as high as I can and have the temperature as hot as I can stand it and be comfortable. I sometimes listen to soothing music or a podcast I enjoy. I sometimes will read through a magazine or a book. You can light a good smelling candle. You can also add essential oils and bubbles.

• Sleep

I cannot stress this enough! Nap whenever you can. If you are like me, you will see me staying up late trying to catch up on my daily assignments I couldn't get through and tidying up the house before bed. I am a night owl, but I do take naps whenever I can.  It's almost like having a newborn...sleep when kids sleep. But for reals!

• Pray

I believe in God. I believe in the power of Prayer. I believe that Heavenly Father listens to me whether I am happy or sad. I believe he answers my prayers. I pray often. I usually am always praying for strength, safety and help. I do also pray in gratitude to my Heavenly Father for appreciation for staying at home with my children, being a mother and for the many blessings I have.

• Journal

I choose to journal my thoughts on this blog. It is very therapeutic to me. I also sometimes journal my inner most feelings that I don't share with anyone in a hardbound book I keep in my nightstand. Mostly, it is just a diary of my day as well as questions I am searching for myself and writing out to Heavenly Father. 

• Read

I am a big book reader, when I get a good book I am into. I love Non-fiction books, Mysteries, Trauma & Survival. I am learning to love the Book of Mormon. I listen to my personal scripture study online through my phone while I am multi-tasking at home. I comprehend the scriptures better. Regardless of you choice of book, it is nice to sit and read, feel calm and relaxed.

Special Needs Siblings- What Life is really like

As you know I have 5 children, 4 of them are "normal". Which simply means they do not have Special Needs. The siblings to a child with Special Needs has a lot of work on their plates. They have to adjust to a schedule and life they didn't choose. They have to help care for a Special Needs sibling, which is stressful and exhausting. My kids have to put their feelings aside and realize that their brother Levi can't handle the excitement, questions and interactions they want from him. They have to adjust that our lives aren't like their friends and we can't always do everything their friends' families can do. It has been so very tiring and exhausting on my other children. I see it everyday in their faces, in their behavior at home and when they explain their feelings to me.

(Tanner, Mckay, & Levi cashing in their free personal pan pizzas for good grades)

I have created a list of 5 ways to help Support Siblings of a Special Needs:

1.) Tell the siblings in words how you appreciate them.
I know I do not do this as often as I would like. I know that they need it more then I have expressed to them. My children are a HUGE help in my daily life, even the smallest tasks aren't over looked. Sometimes I forget to tell my children how much I appreciate them. I know that when I express my appreciation to them in details they love it.  I simply say things like "Thank you so much for making Levi a snack after school. I really appreciate you for serving your brother."


2.) Apologize that their schedules are chaotic.
It is not fair to the siblings schedule to be chaotic. They did not choose to have a brother with special needs and they did not choose that our schedules really have to revolve a lot around Levi. It's not fair to them and they need to hear that. I want them to know that I agree it isn't fair and I appreciate them for trying to adjust.  I have simply said "I am sorry our schedule is chaotic and stressful. I can tell you don't appreciate it and it stresses you out. I appreciate you for trying your best."

(At a Private Screening for Incredible 2 with our Orthodontist)

Tanner, Mckay, Levi, & Me

(Brayden & Levi spending time together after school)

3.) Spend One on One Time with Each Child.
I cannot stress this enough! When you have a Special Needs child in the home, your other children tend to get pushed to the side, because you are so busy being an advocate to your Special Needs child. It is not fair to them that you are exhausted and drained. It is not fair to them that you are overwhelmed and don't have enough time for them. They need that connection and love from you. What works best in our home is to schedule time out on the calendar. We agree on a date and time that works best for both of our schedules. Then we plan out what we are going to do.  Sometimes we watch a movie together, kids choice. Sometimes we play card games or board games together, kids choice. Sometimes we go shopping together and go out to lunch, listen to the kids talk about their day or vent.  How I get them to hang out with me, I simply say "Hey Brayden, I know I don't spend enough time with you, can you look at your schedule and I will take you out to lunch? What day works for you? Where do you want to go?"

(Aaron & Mckay at the Diamond Backs game- we were given 2 free tickets from Grandma)

4.) Connect with your children.
 I try to reach out to my children, one on one and let them know how much I appreciate them. I do not get the chance to do this everyday, but I try my best to speak to them with kind words. Give your children hugs, kisses on cheeks, words of appreciation, pats on their backs and smile at them.  When I do these things with my children, I can already tell they feel appreciated and loved. I give my teenagers Brayden & Brooklyn and well as my younger boys hugs and tell him how much I love him. When I talk to them in a kind heart and loving tone, they never push me back. My children have stressful lives at school and at home, I don't want them to ever feel like they aren't loved or not appreciated. I have said "Hey Brooklyn, How was your day at school? What was your favorite part at school today?"  "Brayden, what's your plans this weekend?"

(Brayden sleeps a lot in the car. I decided to snap pictures at every chance I get)

5.) Check in with them daily. 
Ask them about their day. Go through their schedule with them. I always tell my children that I love them before they leave for School. We strive to have prayers and scripture study before school (it doesn't always happen).  We carpool to school right now, and when I pick up, I welcome my children and carpool buddy in the car and listen to them telling me about their day on the way home. I ask about upcoming games they are playing in, I ask about upcoming tests and ask if I can help them study. I ask them how school was. I feel like it is always important to check in on my children and make sure they are okay. I want them to feel like their feelings and life matters, even though I have a busy schedule. I can make time for a check in.

Your children will feel loved even if you can do this checklist once a week. They want and need to feel that connection with you. It is something, us humans crave. Do your best! They will appreciate you for trying and asking.

A Special Needs Family

Looking at a family who has a child with special needs looks a bit different then you'd think I bet. Special needs children have different disabilities, some look "normal" and some do not. Some are capable of having full mobility and some get cool wheelchairs to stroll through life.  What you don't see is behind closed doors, especially if the family has other children that are "normal". What you don't see is a life they didn't prepare for or expect for their future.

My husband Aaron and I work tirelessly and serve with all our energy all day long out of love for our children. We do research, pray and fasting and search for answers for our family. We work all day long to tend to all of our children's needs and devote time to them.

Once you devote more time and energy to your child with special needs, you will find that your "normal" children will feel left out and get pushed to the side. You don't do this on purpose at all, it just happens and it's not fair. My "normal" children have to adjust to having a more "zombie Mom" who runs out of energy extremely fast. They have to adjust to lots of doctor appointments, babysitting their siblings a lot more then usual, even when they don't want to. They have to adjust to a more busier and chaotic schedule, a messy and stressed out house. It's not their faults, they don't get a choice, and it's not fair.

What we parents get in return is more melt downs, crying children, arguing and tired children all. the. time. Our house is never clean and I have learned to let that go! What I think is important to learn from this is if you've been wondering how to help someone in your church, on your street, or a friend that has a special needs child is to just love them. Pray for them and love them.

(Mckay, Levi and Brooklyn sleeping in Brooklyn's room. This night Brooklyn was able to help Levi after he woke up from having a seizure in the middle of the night. She was able to help get him back to sleep. I am so thankful that she was able to be there for Levi.)

If you want to help alleviate the work for the friend/ family member, here is a list that has worked miracles in our family:

* Pray & fast for the family. It is free and it works.

*Bring in Dinners. Arrange with parent on days that work best. 

This will take one stressful thing off the parents to do list.

*Drop a treat by randomly for the family to enjoy. 

This lets the family know you are thinking about them.

*Text the friend letting them know you are thinking about them. 

*Ask the family to a park date. Have your family there too and just hang out and talk.

*Ask the Mom out for a Girls Night Out.

 It is pretty isolating when you are a parent to a special needs child.

*Drop off money donations or gift cards. 

You would be shocked at how much money is spent on medical bills, doctor appointments, medication, surgery, therapy, etc. 

*DO NOT make empty promises!!

This is the most disappointing and heart wrenching item that is so hard to look past!